This journal is long, not as organized as I would like it to be, and a bit unended as I continue to make my way through my own processes. You could say I am unpacking in real time as I write this.
In my almost 60 years of life I've lost so many people. My grandparents, my mom's only brother, both her sisters, Great Aunts, cousins of all ages, in laws, BOTH my parents, dear friends who were as close as brothers and sisters. All I can say is grief is varied. And sometimes tears well up at the "Schoopidest" moments... during a commercial, a cartoon movie (Toy Story theme song gets me every time), songs on the radio, an old FB post or reading a cartoon and you think "Daddy would have laughed at this" or "Wow, Paul would have found that magazine article interesting" or "MOM, remember that play we went to... oh, you're not here".
I remember this quote "Grief is the price of Love" which the Queen used in a speech to the survivors and family of those killed in 9/11. AS an e-article says: "“Grief is the price for love” is erroneously attributed to Queen Elizabeth; but the quote comes from a longer passage by Dr Colin Murray Parkes, a British psychiatrist and a pioneer in this field. The Queen popularized it, but Dr Parkes’ full quote is eloquent and wise and deserves to be acknowledged. The full quote can be found in his book, Bereavement: Studies of Grief in Adult Life.
“The pain of grief is just as much part of life as the joy of love: it is perhaps the price we pay for love, the cost of commitment. To ignore this fact, or to pretend that it is not so, is to put on emotional blinkers which leave us unprepared for the losses that will inevitably occur in our own lives and unprepared to help others cope with losses in theirs.”
Tash, as the Brits say "Keep your pecker up, and let's have a cuppa". Good advice for a grieving heart. Love you back.
Cousin Mary HH
This is beautiful. I never thought to narrate my thoughts from grief. As you did, it brought me back to the perspective that our lives are stories to be told. Thank you for this!
Its been 5 yrs since i lost my Grandmother, 5 yrs that i try to silence my grief but everything you wrote i felt. I have my grandmothers ring too but i cant wear it because her fingers were skinny i wont wear it on a chain cause im afraid ill loose it but everytime i pull it out of the box i cry and cry hard. Her death changed me in ways that i know i cant come back to who i was before i lost her. Reading this gave me comfort into thinking i wasnt alone in the grief thank you