I just write.

I'm not looking for perfect ways to get it right.

I never trusted my writing enough to make a living. I never trusted my writing enough to even be consistent with sharing it. I fall prey to comparisons, doubt and fear of being misunderstood. I don’t have any fancy system or protocol for writing. I don’t have anything in particular that I want to share week by week. I’m not waking up to write 1000 words before dawn (although I admire the hell out of those that do). 

I just write. 

And sometimes plenty comes to me. And somethings nothing...for months or years. 

I feel overwhelmed and burdened by financial stress and because of this, there is nothing that is encouraging me to want to write.

How can I stop to write when bills must be paid? When my partner is carrying the weight? When having financial flow is a part of what helps fuel my creativity? How can I stop to write when it feels like I’m swimming in lack?

God and my partner are shouting at me to write. “God told you to write Natasha, so listen - don’t worry about anything else, I got you” these words spoken lovingly by my partner, however do nothing to help alleviate the sense that I’m trapped in this constant tug of war between “do creative things, serve others and you will be provided for” versus “you need to get serious about life and take another job regardless of being burnt out because money haffi mek.”

Money has to be made. 

I hate living here. I hate living somewhere where I constantly feel like there's not enough. 

Hate feels like a strong word to use...but…let me stop before I start venting about big city life and the perils of capitalism. That’s another post for another time. 

I just write. 

My latest dream would be that writing and hosting a listening and storytelling practice called Council would fund my life. It’s my latest endeavour.

Moving slightly away from women’s work to focus on the community as a whole and create spaces for all of us to share and be heard. This means that in many ways I’m starting from scratch again.

This time I’m building something from a place of love rather than anger, passion and aloneness as I had Broken Heals (if you know or not I started Broken Heals to tackle dating abuse and domestic violence over 13 years ago, as I was coming out of my own experiences of violence and abuse, and then over time Broken Heals transformed into an awareness space for Black women, which I’m beyond grateful for) but now I have new endeavours, entitled The Birdhouse and this blog, Bare with Me, both which are love projects stemming from an understanding and perception that many more of us need opportunities to share, be seen, be heard, and feel connection and belonging. 

And maybe because it’s being built out of love, I’m taking my time. I’m not looking for perfect ways to get it right. 

The storytelling/listening practice called Council brought us to Boston where I facilitated with the Berklee City Music Network. Photo of me standing in front of the Boston Public Library. Taken by The Lover.

I’m allowing God to guide me into the right spaces to show up and hold others. I’m allowing God to guide my hand as I write even when it’s not as poetic as I’d like it to be, even when the text is jumbled and the thoughts skip from one idea to the next. And trust that whomever’s eyes land on this post, it was meant for them.

Sometimes I just write.

Most times it's my thoughts pouring out onto page as stream of consciousness, meant to help me express my joys and my grievances, meant to help me expel so that I don't have to take all my thoughts to voicenotes in the Whatsapp group chats, or my partner's tired ear when he comes home from work.

I asked God "What is my writing for?" and I heard Him say "to be shared." I responded with "Well does that mean everyone's writing is meant to be shared?" and he said "Yes, but yours is meant to be honest. Some words are meant to be flowery, buttery, beautiful, and others are meant to be honest."

So I'm just writing.

To reflect. To create understanding. To grow, share and commune with others. To be seen and heard.

This is my latest introduction as I find my way back to you, to your email inbox, to Substack, to simply just write.

What are some things you do casually in your life that you feel are meant to be shared with others (or not)?

Do you face any blocks with sharing? If so, what are those blocks?

Currently, I’m blessed to have you here as a free subscriber. If you are open to being a paid subscriber, that would mean the world to me.

Bumping to paid subscriber for a tiny fee will now give you access to my Deep Work Soft Landing activities and private chat, and even some connection calls with me - these introspective and therapeutic activities will begin to come out monthly and I’m hella excited about that. If you’ve ever been apart of my group workshops or have worked with me 1 on 1 then you’ll know that these activities are meant to help you go deeper into your personal journey of self awareness and healing in relationships. While you’re here, check out my other musings and let me know your thoughts.  In addition if you are interested in writing in to me for some email coaching - what I’m calling ‘Dear Tash’ shoot me an email and let’s write to heal.

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I love you.

Til next time,

Tash xo